A soap star’s lot is not a happy one;
Your private life is always in the news
(By which, of course, I really mean ‘The Sun’)
And difficulties with divorce or booze
Are picked apart in public. If your baps
Are briefly bared when changing on the sand,
It’s more than likely that some sleazy pap’s
Observing, telephoto lens in hand.
Perhaps you always dreamed of treading boards,
Essaying Desdemona at the Swan
And picking up Olivier Awards,
But if you ever had a chance, it’s gone.
You might get written out at any time,
And then you’re only fit for pantomime.
Lot I (The Soap Star)