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The Ballade of Arthur Miller's Penis


The play was ready to begin, 

  But visiting the theatre’s loo
Took precedent. On going in

  I noticed Arthur Miller who

Was in mid-flow. I jumped the queue

  And flanked him. Stifling a grin   

I played clandestine peek-a-boo;   
  That thing had been in Marilyn!

Though she’s long dead (cue violin), 
  They had been lovers once, those two. 

That tube of gristle, blood and skin
  Was one of (relatively) few 

That ever got the chance to spew
  Its steaming payload on her chin   
Or slip inside her frothing foo.  
  That thing had been in Marilyn!

I’ll risk incurring your chagrin  

  By saying now I take the view

That piss-and-telling is a sin, 

  So I’ll not give you any clue

If he was hung more like a shrew

  Or rather like a rolling pin. 
I only looked because I knew

  That thing had been in Marilyn!


Oh lucky man! From Timbuktu

  to Seoul, from Quito to Berlin,       

They dreamed of what he got to do-   
  That thing had been in Marilyn!


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