Pam Ayres’ ‘I Wish I’d Looked After Me Teeth’ as it might have been written by John Milton
O teeth, I would I’d shown thee better care,
Else seal’d my lips to form a bulwark ‘gainst
Such sweetmeats as have spell’d thy gradual doom.
Are any of thee worthy still to claim
The name of tooth when thou art chiefly made
Of precious metals, not of natural stuff?
If only I had used my purse to buy
More wholesome fare, or scour’d thee with a brush
In such a manner as I’d been advis’d,
That perfect string of lustrous pearls the Lord
Benevolently gifted me in youth
Might yet endure entire within my maw:
This dread contraption would not be my seat
And nor these chasmal nostrils now my view.
O Teeth, I Would I'd Shown Thee Better Care