Little Willie, watching 'Saw',

Pulled off his sister’s lower jaw.

‘Play nice’, his parents warned, ‘or you

Won’t be allowed to see 'Saw II'.’



Little Willie thought it beezer,

Putting Baby in the freezer.

Mummy said ‘Remove him, please.

I need that space for frozen peas.’





Little Willie, misbehaving,

Did some kitten microwaving.

Daddy said ‘You’d better stop

When you’ve made that one’s eyes go pop.’





Little Willie took a gun

And sniped at gypsies, just for fun. 

‘Thank God,’ Mum said. ‘The things I’ve tried

To get that child to play outside!’   




Little Willie nailed Aunt Mabel

Firmly to the kitchen table.

Mummy, with a dreadful shriek,

Said ‘That’s an uninsured antique!’



Little Willie tortured pets

With red-hot ends of cigarettes.

The law got wind of Willie’s tricks

And now he works for MI6.

Little Willies