First Doctor


William Hartnell

Certainly played the part well,

But the enigmatic figure he presented

Was largely on account of his character’s back story having not yet been invented.



Second Doctor


Patrick Troughton

Was more way out; on

Assuming the role he exchanged his predecessor’s patrician stuffiness

For a more light-hearted, bohemian sort of scruffiness.



Third Doctor


Jon Pertwee

Always wore a frilly shirt. We

Loved to hear him go

‘Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow!’



Fourth Doctor


Tom Baker

Had a costume designer who thought she’d make a


That was too long for him by a factor of nineteen and a half.



Fifth Doctor


Peter Davison

Had good reason to be grave; his un-

Deniable charm was often wasted on stories that were crap, 

Poor chap. 



Sixth Doctor


Colin Baker

Was a casting mistake; a

Sheet of blank A4 could convey an

Appreciably better Gallifreyan.


Seven Doctor

Sylvester McCoy

Has always tended to annoy,

Although that thing he used to do on the Ken Campbell Roadshow with ferrets

Had its merits. 



Eighth Doctor


Paul McGann

Was chosen as the show’s leading man

For its brief transformation

Into a Hollywood abomination.



Ninth Doctor


Christopher Eccleston

Can’t be short of a few shekels; done

With the series for good, it would appear, he was the only former star who said no

To appearing on the fiftieth anniversary show.



Tenth Doctor


David Tennant

Raised another Scottish pennant,

But elected to suppress his native West Lothian lilt

And not wear a kilt.



Eleventh Doctor


Matt Smith

Was blessed with

The ability to seem both long in the tooth

And a youth.



Twelfth Doctor


Peter Capaldi

Has just been installed; he

Could turn out to be fantastic if equipped

With the odd decent script.